im doing okay, POW! im doin ok
haha its true. i really am doing ok. just okay. but better than bad right?
being away from everyone always helps cuz i dont have to open up to anyone. i know its the wrong way to think about it. but the truth is i just cant do it anymore. im hiding, dont look for me!
when i get back to the states, its time for a MAJOR image change. i see myself really badly right now, mainly cuz of the way ive been feeling the last 8 months or so… eh its probably been the last couple years, but especially since this summer.
i wish i never met you at all. im sorry i keep hurting you. its so unfair of me. fuuuuuckk. not like ur ever gonna read this anyway. which im glad, cuz im not ur problem anymore
i realize one thing i really have very little tolerance for… people who judge everything right away. i know its not her fault cuz she grew up in the country side and doesnt know any better. but it sucks that i dont want her to meet my roommate cuz hes black, or my friend cuz she has a tatoo, etc. so annoying.
also, no more drugs. at least not as much. i dont want to keep relying on mood enhancers and such to keep me happy, cuz i depend on them. plus with the whole being in the hospital for a collapsed lung thing, that was a huge eye opener. gotta take better care of myself.
more exercise and better eating. and of course… SLEEP. i over worked myself and over stressed myself. well im not gonna do that anymore.
i know im a good person. i would have put myself through this if i didnt care about my friends. but i think im doing things all wrong. theres got to be a way for me to help my friends and not hurt myself. if i keep doing things like this, we all know that itll end with me most likely driving my car into la jolla shores yelling FUCK THIS!!!! hahahah not to be morbid. its only a joke
also, going to school every day and dressing well. that was my goal last year, to keep myself looking good, but i kinda slacked a LOT haha. will do better though. gotta look good for the laaaadieeees… and i guess the fellas too hurr hurrrrr
here we goooOOOooOOOooOOOO
(Source: fueledbyphotos)
