i know that.
i did try. really really hard. thats why it hurts so much.
im not a good person because i sacrifice myself for other people. only cuz i dont know why i do it. i have no reason to. im just stupid haha.
i know that in the bigger picture, this isnt a big deal. thats what they always say.
this is a big deal. for me at least. this is more than about some bull shit college romance. this is about me. and how i see myself. and how i see the world. im a true Pisces. idealize everything, expect the best. optimism, naivitee. and when your perceived world is shattered, you feel like you cant live on anymore. i think they call it devastation.
dont worry. ill be fine lol. i only feel this way for a little. cuz unlike many Pisces, im a realist. and because i know that ive got other people to help, other people to save. ive done what i came to do and all that i can do. i know it wasnt enough, and im sorry. but im still learning too.
i hate that i met you too early, and now ill never have a chance with you again. its not fair. i should have at least been given a chance. i used to think i was worth it. that im someone a guy would be proud to be with.
clearly, im not there yet.
i cant really muster the courage to write anymore. ill finish this later when my hands stop shaking.
trust me, im lying
