now its safe

pretty sure no one will read this anymore. ive been gone quite a while haha.

you never even gave me a chance to help you or give you happiness. the truth is, i think i could do so much. i said you let me be myself around you, but i still have so much more to offer. all i have to offer is myself and for you to turn it down completely… well thats just a slap in the face. and ill admit, i wish you would have hurt me physically rather than emotionally and mentally. how could you think i would be prepared for this? right now?? i have 1 week until finals and you put this on me. well, the old me would have broken down, and done some things that would destroy me. but not now. even though you broke my dreams of helping someone, theres somebody else out there that will appreciate my efforts to help them. someone out there that will accept my love, even if its only a little at a time. i dont think i ever asked too much from you. im sorry but i believe i deserve more. you never did anything to hurt me, you just never let me heal. you thought you were doing me a favor, when i just wanted you to do this because it made you happy. if i dont make you happy then you need to leave me. im not going to cut you a break and do it for you. because the reality is i want this. so why would i be the one to end it? i feel like i did this with my last ex, didnt give him his dignity by being the one to walk away when i wanted to. if you are going to bend someones heart to the point of breaking you have to take some responsibility, but at least be the one to end it.