i feel myself getting more and more lost each day
there are reasons i am the way i am. everyone always asks me to be more open and emotional, well fuck you. id say for the average person, im much much more trusting. i always believe that people are good even though i know its not always true. i lie to myself. i keep the pain coming. use me use me cuz you know ill give you a break. but ill never forget what you did to me even though ill definitely forget about you.
i dont keep people in my life who decided they want to back out on a committment. a commitment to my emotions that is. if you want me to open up so badly then why dont you fucking be a real friend and deal with what i have. ESPECIALLY since you will ALWAYS get a lot of resistance from me. and youll STILL push for it and then you’ll hurt me even more.
but now i dont have a heart. i threw it away. i tossed it out on a cold fall day. dont go looking for it cuz i dont want it back.
pretty soon ill be so stone cold you’ll never hear from me again
